Footsteps down the trail

Episode 150

Today is a celebration, because today mark footstep number 150 on the podcast trail. To say that I’m excited to have reached this milestone is an understatement. It’s been along and challenging path to walk.

I have had my ups and downs along the way. Filled with days I was so excited to work on the next episode, and days I wanted to give up as well.

One of the most challenging aspects as been deciding what to share and what to leave out. Since after all this has been my story of discovery and growth. Which just like the challenges I’ve face with the podcast. I encounter the same obstacles in every day life.

Questions come up all the time for me about what to address and what to let linger. Just like I face the question how do I tackle what is been placed in front of me. That is because I’ve been on a journey that I can’t say I ever truly asked for. Surely I never prepared for.

Yet, after all the miles I’ve traveled along the past few years, and growth that as happened along the way. I still hold on those feelings of loss, confusion, and despair. Not for the reason first comes to mind when I say that. I do so as a way of saying to myself, if I ever slip off the path I could end up back in that space. Which is one I never want to return to again.

It’s hard to believe that it was so long ago now, but in one of my first talk therapy sessions my therapist said to me, that I didn’t need to know where I was heading. I just needed to allow myself the grace to get there.

I actually took those words so deeply inside of me that i wrote them on the dash board of my truck. So when I put the keys in the ignition and start my truck I see those words every time I hit the road. They have served as this call to action phrase for me.

Once i pushed the fear in that statement aside. I understood what she meant. Because when I head a field sure, I know the area I’m heading into. However I enter it never truly knowing where I’ll end up and I’m ok with that. In fact for me that’s a key aspect of my adventures.

Maybe on a hunting trip I might end up locking in on a deer in area that on a map I’d never had wanted to go. Just like when I was locked in my old realty I could never had envisioned being where I am today.

Yet if I could let the moment drag me to that area I would had stayed out of only to be rewarded. Then why was I kicking and screaming because the moment was trying to bring me to the place I needed to be.

I never could be staring at that deer through my scope had I never left my truck. The same thing applies to life. I never could had grown into that man I should be had I not lost what was my reality.

Had I not given in an surrendered to allowing those the pain of losing everything ignite a fire within me. To figure out why I allowed myself to destroyed the way I was. Then let the wind to blow those ashes of myself to where fate would lead them.

While of course no one wishes for, or wants their world to burn down around them. In a perfect world we would be able to find that life changing growth within the space we were. Yet life isn’t perfect, it’s not always a fairytale.

When I have those moments of what could had been. I draw so much energy for the mindset Marcus Aurelius taught about turning the mindset from its unfortunate this has happened. Into no it’s is fortunate this has happened.

Because without those things happening to you, there would be nothing to push you forward.

It’s without those painful trials we can never be tested. We can never figure out how to regroup and rebuild. Thus we would never just how strong and resilient we truly are.

The thing about those sort of those regrouping events though, is how you go about regrouping. The lesson that we don’t always pick up very quickly is, when you follow the same process of regrouping you will end up with the same outcome. Of the same one you were regrouping from in the first place.

Each time to repeat the cycle the only thing your getting closer to is the disastrous ended that will force you to break the cycle. We all learn by trial and error. The question is how many errors will you make until you look at yourself for the correct answers?

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